Imagine that you are in a boat and the waves get rough – what would you do? Would you throw away your life vest, the oars, or the bucket that you could use to empty the water coming in? Probably not. Yet this is what many of us do at work, when we are facing difficulties.
Sometimes it helps to look at difficult situations through a metaphor. I once had a colleague and
coach, named Susie, who was particularly talented in crafting them. She used this metaphor of a life-
saving boat when she saw people struggling with difficulties and not asking for help. I vividly
remember drawing the life-saving boat with her, when I was overwhelmed as a new consultant, and
didn’t dare to ask for help. It was eye-opening to see all the life-saving devices I had thrown out of
the boat without even noticing it, and wondering why I had done so. I still use this metaphor with my
own clients, when I see the Heroes struggling alone, refusing support or often not even realizing that
it is there. In my work, I have met many managers who think they need to be able to solve all the
problems, putting unnecessary pressure on themselves.
So, what makes us refuse any help when it would be beneficial, or at least fail to ask for it even if we
would welcome some support? Often there is a fear behind it – not wanting to appear as a failure,
nor to bother anyone (“They’ve got enough to worry about”) –, or sometimes even shame. We are
ashamed to admit that we cannot handle the situation alone, and shame is a very debilitating feeling.
The more we struggle alone with our issues, the bigger they become. We start experiencing stress,
and it gets hard to see clearly. And yet we don’t want to put the life vest on.
What the life vest looks like can be very different from one person to the other. A good starting point
to figure out which kind of life vest suits you best is to find out what enables you to take a step back
and see the situation more clearly. Some clarify their thoughts by writing or drawing, others by
talking to someone neutral to the issue, others still by going for a walk or being otherwise physically
active. Sometimes changing the way we usually do things may help, for example by learning to use a
tool that will save us time – if only we would sacrifice the time to learn to use the tool. It is very
helpful to discover what helps you, whatever it is, and to hold on to it in tough times instead of
abandoning it. In addition, if you finally do decide to ask for help, you may be surprised how happy
people are to lend a hand. Sometimes, by sharing your difficulties, you may also find out that
someone else is struggling with the same issue, and you can look for solutions together.
This is of course easier said than done, but drawing the picture often invites a new perspective,
making the situation seem less dramatic. So, when the next storm hits, what life-saving equipment
will you grab to weather it?
Recent Comments